Lunar Eclipse April 14 2014

It gets darker by the light of the moon. I reach for a part of me that I forgot was there. I listen for her to say something witty or clever and am left feeling dissatisfied...because I'm so fucking judgemental.

I can't just let myself be.

Our world's reflection is smaller...and smaller...still bright, but fading. 11:05 pm.

Sunsets from half a world away reflecting on the back of my glasses. Our rock. Our tiny pet in the universe...glued to us like we are to the sun...does it depend on us? Science tells me no...but...

A quarter moon no longer lives here...it lives in our shadow.

Im intrigued by how imperfect these things are. It's not like movies or airbrushed photos...it's a spreading shadow and it understands the form it must take...it understands that it needs no defined form.
There it is...there is the form. 11:18pm.

A crescent forms and bleeds across the sky. 11:28pm.

I turn in for the night. I am privileged to exist. I am thankful for the tiny parts of me I get to leave the world with in my children.

I can only hope to one day return to the stars...then back to the sea.

Our Family of Four

I want to blog right now but it's so hot I can't focus.

Lake Tahoe 2013

We have officially completed our longest road trip as a family of four. We left Lakewood around 3 am on Mon. July 29 to spend 3 days in Lake Tahoe (Stateline). Phish was playing a two night run and we were able to buy tickets and secure a hotel room earlier this year. The trip up there was relatively easy and Brynna, who is potty training and doing very well at it, didn't soil her diaper the whole way! She used gas station toilets along the way each time we stopped and I took those opportunities to nurse without a cover in honor of National Breastfeeding Week. ;-) We sang songs and Brynna watched Ice Age on the portable DVD player.

We arrived at our hotel around 10 am.  The Lakeside Inn and Casino. We were able to check in right away and were really excited about how cute our room was! It felt like a cabin with exposed ceiling beams and wood paneling.

We relaxed for a while before heading out to find some dinner. We ended up eating take out from Sprouts Cafe where Brynna proudly announced at the counter, "I'm vegan!" The food was really great! Over the next few days we enjoyed hummus melts (sans cheese), Santa Fe tempeh burgers, a baked tofu bowl, a kids burrito, 2 hot shots (wheat grass w/ lemon, ginger, and cayenne), and ABC cookies. Really great and very busy restaurant.

Night One (7/30) of the show was pretty great. Really dark and funky jams that were easy to dance to. Kellen was a bit overwhelemd and fussy for a good chunk of the show but I held him closed and nursed him until he fell asleep. Brynna made a friend named Juniper and the danced alongside each other, two adorable toddlers getting their groove one! Juniper's mom is named Elise and we got along with her really well.

Night Two (7/31). Amazing. The kids were in great moods. The walk with them in carriers between the venue (Harveys) and the hotel was doing a number on our backs but it was worth it. We met up with Elise and Juniper inside again and had an amazing experience with the kids. The show was amazing.  Set 2 opened with a 36 minute Tweezer that was so fucking perfect and intricate and awesome I forgot what I was listening to and was just entranced by the beauty of the music and the happiness I felt being there with my family. My babies have no idea how lucky they are to have been at that show.  I'm ecstatic that we were that lucky.

Our drive home the next day was a little rougher...we left at 9 am and withing the hour Brynna was car sick. She just threw up one time though and we got her cleaned up pretty quickly. Kellen seemed uncomfortable and hungry the entire ride and I spent most of it turns around in my seat trying to sing him to sleep. We hit rush hour in LA and Brynna couldn't hold her pee pee in until we got home.

Such a quick rundown of the trip...I'm blogging from my phone which I hate typing on. In short, it was a fantastic family vacation. Kids were great, Tahoe was beautiful, and Phish was spot-on amazing.

July 2013

We are slowly settling into our new home. There's a lot of work to be done though so the house stays in a constant state of disarray. Its ok though. We're all a lot happier here. Brynna gets to run around in a backyard, so that's a plus. We're also walking distance to Mayfair Park and their Tot Lot.  Its designed for smaller kids so I dint have to worry so much about B falling or getting hurt while I'm wearing Kellen.

Brynna can say the entire alphabet and count to 10. When we're out she points letters and numbers out to us.  She also says "I'm vegan!" And "I'm 2!" Sometime she claims to be 4 though and I'm not sure where she got that. Her favorite songs right now are "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and the alphabet song. She can't say her "S" or "L" very well so when she says "horse" or "clock" we crack up. She's so smart, gentle, and kind. She loves her baby brother so much. (Baby brudder) She likes me to kiss all her boo boos better and I told her I always will as long as she lets me.

Kellen has rolled over a couple times. He's getting a lot of strength in his neck and will usually hold his own head up. He's a cuddler for sure and is content just being held. I can't believe how fast this goes.

My children are so awesome. My husband is amazing and perfect for me. I'm so lucky and incredibly happy that I have such a wonderful little family.

Tiny perfect

Perfect little ears.
Perfect little noses.
Perfect tiny breaths on my neck. My children. My reflections. My gifts. My hopes and dreams and all of my love...

Their souls are just getting used to this world. It is my job to protect those souls and give them the opportunity to grow into who they want to be. I must not hinder and I will not tolerate anyone else as a hindrance. They will carry into this world what their father and I give to them. The best we can do is fill their young souls with love and hugs and tolerance and joy.

Goodbye Alburtis.

This was my daughter's first bedroom. First steps. First smiles. Oh god.

Cheeeeeeks.

When you're 17 I don't think you'll let me kiss these cheeks over and over and over...